Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
