New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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