Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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