you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
