At least make sure they are 18
Why
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
