um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
