You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
