No awkward lesbian experiences without me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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