I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
