remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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