Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
