Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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