She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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