Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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