Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
