Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
