What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
