So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
