Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
