If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
