I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
