DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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