wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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