Banned from zoo.
Again?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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