dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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