i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
