Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Are we still banned from the library?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
