you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
