all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
