saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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