the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
