No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
