i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
