if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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