Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
