I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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