we're chasing vodka with high fives
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
