I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
