And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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