My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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