We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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