Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
