one two three fourrrrnication!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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