Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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