If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
