My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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