So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
