1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
