I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The air taste purple.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
