i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
