My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
