I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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