I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
